I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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