Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
