As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
