there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
