ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
