Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
