he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
