We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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