As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
