so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
