If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
