You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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