she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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