it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
