I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
