so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
