no, he came in my armpit
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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