Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
