I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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