After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
