You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
