We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
