I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
