So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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