is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
