I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
