all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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