Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
