It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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