so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
