smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you had me at cake vodka
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
