If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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