i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
