We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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