I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
