i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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