No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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