guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
