i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
