JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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