tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
