dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
