we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
