the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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