Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
