3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
