Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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