You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
