Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
