it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
