Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
