I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
