Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
