If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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