I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
