His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's blow job season.
That accounts for only three of the penises
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
