Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
