Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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