I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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