I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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