Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
