you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
