there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
