No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So here I am, sexting at work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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